NewsChannel 5.com - Nashville, Tennessee - When The Mirror Lies

When The Mirror Lies

Most of us have a feature we don't like about ourselves - our nose is too big, hair too flat, smile too wide.

But some normal-looking and even very attractive people - don't just dislike their features - they see themselves as grotesque and disfigured.

Looking in the mirror used to be painful for Sandy Fullman.

"I would say to myself, always, 'you're such a disgusting, fat pig,'" said Fullman, 57.

That self-hatred started when Sandy was five. 

"I don't think I'm ugly," Fullman said. "I think I'm grotesque and hideous."

Fullman grew up re-applying her makeup every 15 minutes and only able to look at herself in cloudy mirrors.

Finally, Harvard professor Sabine Wilhelm diagnosed her with body dysmorphic disorder or BDD.

"They they cannot go to school, they cannot go to work, they don't date, and they don't get married," said Wilhelm, a psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital in Boston.

Patients look normal - some even models - but see a certain feature as defective - often their skin, hair or nose. Patients often see plastic surgeons to "fix" their problem.

But it usually doesn't work. 

"Their problem is really on the inside, and surgery cannot help with that," Wilhelm said.

What does help? Antidepressants and cognitive behavioral therapy, where patients face their biggest fears.

"It took almost a year to look at myself, my whole entire face at once, up close," Fullman said.

Fullman still doesn't like what she sees but no longer lives in torment.

And leaving the house in broad daylight is a seemingly small - but important triumph.

BDD affects about 2 percent of the population and is as common in men as women.

There are documented cases that date back more than 100 years. BDD has one of the highest suicide rates of any mental disorder - with patients 45-times more likely to take their own life than the general population.