For most of us, the 4th of July is a fun-filled way to celebrate America's independence, enjoy some time by a pool or sit under the stars and watch a fireworks show. But for a child dealing with the trauma of a shooting, the experience may be a lot different.
One of the therapists who is working with the Covenant School shared with us some ways to help kids cope with 4th of July celebrations after going through a shooting. Here's what we learned.
There are a lot of things that can be reminders of trauma for someone who went through a school shooting.
Firework sounds can cause jump scares. The smoke from grilling may be a reminder of the gunshots. If there are lots of crowds of people moving around, it may remind kids of trying to run away from the shooting or the crowds that gathered during the shooting. Even having friends and family around may worry kids, reminding them of those they were concerned about during the school shooting.
Thankfully, there are a lot of ways to cope with these unfortunate reminders.
The first is to reassure the child that it makes sense what they are feeling. Saying things like, 'Hearing fireworks may not be as fun as it was before the shooting because it may remind you of the shooting,' or 'It may be hard to be around others who are having fun when you feel sad or scared,' can help. This helps youth appreciate that their reactions make sense, given what they have been through.
The second thing you can do is recognize what is happening in your child's body. If you see your child is jumpy, irritable or having problems paying attention, you can remind them that this reaction to danger is how our bodies keep us safe and it's completely normal.
Something you can say to calm these bodily reactions is, 'This is how our brains protect us from danger. After a shooting, our brains and bodies are working overtime to alert us to any dangers out there.”
The last two tips suggest you manage their reactions with reassurances and discuss what might make them feel more calm.
Saying things like, 'you are not alone,' and 'Right now, you are safe,' will help validate their feelings and make sure they know they are okay.
Every child handles trauma differently, so coping will look different depending on how your child reacts. The final thing the document suggests is to honor your actions as a family, regardless of which direction you take.
"Highlight how your family worked to support each other. Emphasize that healing involves being able to accept and share your reactions and feelings with each other, so that you are not alone with your feelings. Identify strategies that helped family members feel calmer and more connected. Think about any new traditions you started this year that you might want to do as a family in the future," it said.
