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'First Day Back': New podcast asks, 'How do you come back from the worst thing you've ever done?'

Posted at 7:47 AM, Apr 11, 2017

Lucie Paquette and Gerry Madaire were together for 13 years. People called them lovebirds — until the fall of 2010, when Lucie shot and killed him. And here’s the thing: She has no memory of doing it.

“It's like you fall asleep during a movie. You saw the beginning of the movie, and you saw the end,” Lucie says. “But what about the middle?"

Lucie served five years in prison for manslaughter and is now trying to rebuild her life.  But how do you come back from the worst thing you’ve ever done, when you can’t even remember doing it? 

That’s the premise of the new season of First Day Back, a podcast about trying to get your life back after an event that changes you.

Documentary filmmaker and host Tally Abecassis has spent more a year following Lucie as she’s moved from prison to a halfway house, searches for work, and tries to build a stronger relationship with her daughter and grandson. The podcast also explores how it’s possible that Lucie has no memory of the night Gerry died.

When she was in prison, things were so bleak that Lucie could only imagine that life would be better once she got out. She thought she would feel like herself again.

But with every move toward independence, Lucie is snapped back to the reality of her life now. “It's like I'm in the middle of a big, big circle, and I don't know where to go,” she says.

Now, Lucie has to live with what she did, with all the repercussions and the ensuing emotional turmoil. And she’ll have to face the doubt and judgment of the people she’s hurt the most.

Will she be able to move forward and find some semblance of forgiveness?

Listen to the first episode of First Day Back below and subscribe to the new season of First Day Back on Stitcher, iTunes, or the podcast player of your choice. New shows will be released weekly beginning Tuesday.

For more information about the series visit