NASHVILLE, Tenn. (WTVF) — At least once a month, a group of young men gather together for a meal, served with a side of snark.
"Hey Cam, are you going to do a special with Steve Irwin?" joked Jackson Lacey.
Cameron Scott, donning a sportsman vest and the butt of the joke, let out a big laugh.
But when the group walks downstairs and circles up, the true purpose of this group is revealed.
"Growing up, everybody tells you to tough it out," said Lacey. "You can’t just tough it out all the time."
"Whether that’s just life, problem with friends, girlfriends, family, you know, whatever it is that — there’s somebody else going through the same thing," said Carter Vrabel, another member of the group.
All of these guys come from very different backgrounds, families and experiences. But what unites them all is experiencing the trials of life together.
"When we first started this, we were all in, you know, not in the best places," said Scott.
"That’s the biggest problem I think with young men. It’s not normal so to speak, it’s not the cool thing to do, Nobody wants to admit they aren’t perfect," said Lacey.
Guiding their discussions is Licensed Professional Counselor Dean Porterfield.
"The only connection these men had was being in their 20s and feeling like what’s next?" said Porterfield.
Many of the founding members of the group were all seeing Dean individually, but he saw the need to bring them all together. He figured the stakes couldn't be higher.
"Just a lack of community. They were together alone," said Porterfield. "Many times when you hear of suicides, like you know, we didn’t see it coming, we didn’t see it coming. But maybe the right question wasn’t asked."
The Vrabel Connection
All the group was lacking was a place to meet up, which is how the Vrabel family got involved. And yes, we're talking about those Vrabels. As in, Titans Head Coach Mike Vrabel and his wife Jen.
"I kind of bugged Dean and said, 'I don’t know what this is but I want to do something,'" said Jen.
"It’s just a very diverse and eclectic group," said Mike Vrabel.
Their son Carter is one of the young men in the group they now call the Vrabel Young Men's Collaborative.
"The transition from Houston to Tennessee, and high school and heading off to college, those are difficult years," said Coach Vrabel.
"I was a little nervous and scared to just kind of throw everything out there," said Carter Vrabel. "But once I started talking to people, and I saw people nod their heads, it’s like -- okay maybe I’m not the only one going through this."
With each meeting, the guys grew more and more comfortable.
"They’re not going to give you a soft sugar coated answer. They’re going to tell you what to do and how to do it. And if there’s nothing you can do, then they’re just going to be there with you," said Owen Rodriguez, another member of the group.
And while improving the mental health of all of their members will always be a work in progress, Porterfield decided it was time to widen the circle.
"Let’s stop commiserating and figure out how we can be of service," he said.
Not So Secret Santas
During the November meeting of the Vrabel Young Men's Collaborative, after circling up, they started sorting all of the Christmas gifts for their upcoming party. For the two dozen children they adopted for Christmas, Coach Vrabel's Nike sponsorship covers all of the clothes and shoes these kids could never dream of receiving. That allows the rest of the money they've raised to go to the fun stuff.
"We told them like, whatever y’all want," said Scott. "They’re getting all kinds of stuff, from Xbox to freaking computers."
Then comes the fun part — hosting their guests at the Titans practice facility and giving 25 foster children a night they will never forget.
"What’s up, how are you guys?" asked Carter Vrabel, welcoming them each to the party.
The event is held in partnership with the non-profit Jonathan's Path, where DCS case workers and foster parents nominate deserving children for a night of rubbing elbows with NFL greats and eating a tasty meal.
"You got a favorite teacher?" Coach Vrabel asked one of the guests.
In the process, many of the Vrabel Young Men realize there's a lot all of these young people have in common.
"You starting [basketball]?" asked Cannon Anderson, a member of the Vrabel Young Men.
"No I’m not playing right now," replied the foster child.
"Why not?" replied Anderson.
"Because my grades are low," replied the child.
"Ahh, I was the same way," said Anderson.
Thanks to the fundraising done by the Vrabel Young Men's Collaborative, having a Merry Christmas is something else they now all have in common. We watched as one by one, the foster children came up to receive several duffle bags worth of clothes, shoes, gifts and new treasures.
"This is making my day," one child said.
"It’s a PS3," said another child.
"That’s old school, that’s sick," replied Scott.
"I know what I’m doing when I get home. I love it," replied the child.
Everyone involved told us, this moment was the motivation for all their hard work.
"It’s amazing to see these kids reactions to getting the gifts and stuff," said Carter Vrabel.
"They trust us to come here and have fun," said his father, Coach Vrabel.
But the greatest gifts were still to come. Just like the home sessions, this special meeting of the Vrabel Young Men ended with a closing circle, showcased in the player above.
"We do what’s called a closing round — thoughts, takeaways, any feelings, emotions," explained Porterfield.
"Tonight was special, not often do we get to do something like this and I can’t wait to do it next year," Rodriguez, a member of the group told the circle."
"I appreciate every single one of y’all for doing this for us," said one of the children.
Only proving that knowing you're not alone may be the greatest gift these young men can ever give.
"To show them that they are loved and have a chance to express themselves and not be judged. You know, just make it great for everyone to come down here and enjoy time and have fun," said another child.
"It’s a mixture of gratefulness, it’s a mixture of just happiness out the roof," said Scott.
Carter isn't the only Vrabel that has gotten a lot out of this experience. Mike and Jen Vrabel say watching the kids open their gifts and their hearts is transformative.
"I feel like for them, it’s a couple hours where they don’t have to think about all the stuff they think about every day. Because it’s a lot. And so we can give them a couple hours of just being a kid," said Jen.
Coach Vrabel said he's also applied a lot of lessons he's learned from all of this to coaching the Tennessee Titans.
"When you don’t react or have an over reaction, you tend to find out a lot more and they tend to be more open that just flying off the handle," said Mike. "You know, I’m just trying to say groups work."
Fostering Hope provides Christmas for kids in foster care. I'm delighted to see Fostering Hope expand this year to expand their reach to now include kids in Foster care in metro AND foster kids in East TN hard hit by Helene.
-Bree Smith
